The Satire of the Newsweek

The following is Satirical

“It’s the beginning of the end!” “The walls are closing in!” “And Adam Schiff’s coworkers in congress are starting to wonder If instead of Schiff’s nose extending when he lies, that the immediate physical nose growth that we know to take place in Pinocchio, is actually taking place in chairman Schiff’s neck.

In the media, leftist journalists are now being affected by a new ramped epedimic called “pathological liar dysphoria”, a disease that can be triggered in leftists by being told the journalism and coverage they produce is “fake news.” The disease can also manifest itself in leftist journalists and reporters who constantly occupy the space around them with other people that think exactly like them. Other symptoms for PLD involve : “feeling the necessity to resort to character assassination when debating someone on the other side of the political spectrum” – “feelings of guilt from lying in excessive amounts to everyone about everything and then returning to your home after work to then stare at yourself in the mirror and say “what an honest reporter I am!”

In the intelegance committee, Democrats are still trying to figure what exactly they will say about the 18 day gap between the July 25th Ukraine call, and the whistleblower report. Chairmen Adam Schiff suggested that they lie and say that the whistleblower’s first report was eaten by his personal pet dog and that he had to have an entirely new one made, but then the other members of the committee objected to that notion saying it was too complicated of a lie to memorize and that Schiff would probably screw it up on live TV one way or another. Schiff responded saying “I never get caught telling lies, I’m so good at telling lies I don’t even know when I’m telling them.” He then promptly went to a nearby chalk board and began writing “I will not lie”, “I will not lie” continuously until he ran out of space on the board. He then turned back around to the rest of the committee and directed their attention to the chalk board saying, “these are all lies!”

Finally, Bernie Sanders recently decided to continue his campaign regardless of his age or health. He claimed he was “dumb” in a recent interview for actually beginning to think he could possibly forget that he was almost 80 years old. Others say he should stop yelling at the top of his lungs when he speaks. Bernie’s response to this was, “I guess I will just have to start speaking in two word intervals instead of my normal three!” He said all of this while yelling at the top of his lungs.

Copyright 2019 @onlookerspub

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